Adventures at Officemax
So I’m nearly halfway through my second week of training at my new boring data entry job. When I first started, I was a little intimidated because rumors were flying around that training was brutal, but if you can make it through the 3-week course, you’re set. The training classes also have a huge dropout rate; my class alone is down to 8 people, after starting with 15 a week ago. Well, as it turns out, people can’t handle the training classes because they’ve never seen a computer before. With as rigorous as the hiring/interviewing process was, I don’t understand how these people make it far enough to GET to the training classes. Let me share a couple of my favorite “Computer Skills for Dummies” stories:
What I Have to Deal With
In my department, we basically work with two pieces of software: A database program called Clarify, and ANOTHER database program called OrderMax. I’m not sure if it’s a mainstream commercial application or not, but Clarify is a tacky little program most likely written in Visual Basic. This is a simple Windows program with a plain-jane GUI; anybody that knows how text fields and buttons operate can figure this program out. Ordermax is a console application (which my instructor refers to as a DOS program) that runs in a Java terminal emulator. I’m assuming it would also be possible to just telnet into this program, but that would require an additional month to month-and-a-half of training. The woman that sits next to me absolutely can NOT grasp the idea that the mouse does not work in this program. A good portion of my training time is spent holding her hand through every step of the process…over and over and over.
Me: Okay, you’ve put that information in there, so tab over to the next field.
*She grabs the mouse, moves to the next field, and clicks in it. Nothing happens*
Me: The mouse doesn’t work in this program. Go ahead and tab to the next field.
Her: Ohhh, that’s right *Hits tab*
Me: Okay, when you’ve entered that info, you hit enter, and you’re ready to put the next line in.
*She grabs the mouse*
Me: …the mouse doesn’t work in this program. Just hit enter.
Her: *Nervous laugh* That’s right. Can’t use the mouse in this.
Me: Okay, so here you just hit “Y”, and hit enter to select “OK”.
*She hits “Y”, …grabs mouse and clicks on “OK”, NOTHING HAPPENS*
Me: *Slams head into middle of keyboard*
This same interaction is repeated almost verbatim several times a day, only it’s much longer. I just didn’t feel like typing “the mouse doesn’t work in this program” another 370 times. To her credit, she is one of the nicest ladies you’ll ever meet, she just shouldn’t be in a computer-related work environment. Also, she appears to have been able to type well…20 years ago, but now her hands are so shaky, she invariably double-taps a kkey aat least onnce eveery ottther wword, and any key on the bottom row is paired with a sspa ceb ar prress.
One day, she was asking me some questions about the Ordermax software.
Lady: So, somebody wrote this software specifically for Officemax?
Me: Yeah.
Lady: Is that what you do?
Me: Ha, nono. I hate programming.
*Fat woman in Taz shirt seated behind me butts in*
Taz: I LOVE programming!
Me: …
Lady: Well, to each his own, I guess.
Me: *Knows damn well this woman does not program* …
Taz: Yep, had to program my husband’s Dell from the ground up.
Me: *Turns back around, not even acknowledging her statement*
After the fact, I’m kicking myself for not saying something to Taz. I would have loved to entangle her in her own web of stupidity.
Unfortunately, the computer illiteracy isn’t limited to just my classmates. The head of human relations came in to show us how to do our timesheets. Our time is logged manually through a web interface; we log into a specific area of the Officemax website and input our hours, vacation hours, etc into text fields. I repeat: this is a WEB INTERFACE. It’s a WEBSITE that when launched from the desktop, opens in INTERNET EXPLORER. I guess the confusion stems from the shortcut not having the “e” logo. The head of human relations, whom I will refer to as HR, insisted on calling it a “program”. Yes, in a way, it is a “program”, but not like she is thinking. This was her disclaimer before showing us how to log in:
HR: Okay, before we begin, I want to clarify this program is different from most programs you’re familiar with. There is no double-clicking.
Me: …
HR: This program was written by Germans and in Germany they don’t double-click. Do NOT double-click, or the program will crash.
Me: *Dumbfounded*
Everybody else: *Terrified*
Not only was all of that information a combination of stupid, misleading, a little ethnocentric, and just plain made up, it’s completely irrelevant. A few exceptions aside, when do you ever double-click within a program? I know for a fact that there is no double-clicking going on in any of the software we use at work. The only instances in which I double-click, off the top of my head, are opening folders/shortcuts, maximizing/restoring a window (double-clicking the titlebar), making a video fullscreen (works in most media players), and opening a document in Photoshop without accessing the file menu. The point is, buttons, tabs, menus, and fields are never double-clicked, whether you’re in Germany or not. Secondly, “the program will crash”?? It’s not going to crash; you’re going to get where you want to go on the first click. The second click most likely won’t even register, since there will no longer be a link under your pointer after the first one. Again, I didn’t say anything. I was THINKING “Uhh…Germans run the exact same operating systems and software we do…only in German.” She also FORCED us to maximize, claiming that the “program” would not run right unless maximized. Now, whenever I go to enter my hours for the day, somebody behind me invariably yells “MAXIMIZE!”, like I’m going to bring the whole system down.
I have another week and a half of this.
How I Cope
Fortunately, I’m comfortable enough in the classes to be able to know when dicking off is acceptable. I generally finish our worksheets and exercises about 20-30 minutes before everybody else in class, so I get plenty of good quality DS time in (probably close to 3 of the class’ 6 hours is spent trying to entertain myself). In fact, our Officemax Steno notebooks have already come in handy. Here’s some important notes I took today in class:
Once I’m out on the floor, I’ll be able to Pictochat with my friends. Chuck and I tried today, but the training classes have thick concrete walls, killing wireless communication between them and the floor.
When I tire of collecting souls, there’s always plenty of post-it note pads laying around, and I spend a good deal of my time drawing random things. Today however, class was going slower than usual, and I needed a project to keep me entertained for longer. I decided I would make a flipbook using an entire pad of post-its. Well, about 5 frames in, I realized “Wow, animation sucks” and decided to end my animation prematurely. It ended up being about 30 frames, taking up about 40 minutes of class time, and I’m pretty pleased with how it turned out. I call it:
Blew Screen of Death
That’s a basic overview of my work experience so far. This is the first “real” job I’ve had in over a year, so it’s a little weird getting back into a schedule, and the training classes remind me a little too much of high school. What mostly keeps me going is the little voice in the back of my head saying “Athlon 64 Dual-Core…Athlon 64 Dual-Core…”
My new computer is just a couple boring months away…
October 11th, 2005 at 9:34 pm
I’d put up with a lot of shit for $10/hr.
I’m sure dealing with those people sucks, but at least they made for some highly entertaining stories.
October 12th, 2005 at 12:49 am
…But would you play Dawn of Sorrow for $10/hr?
There’s the rub.
October 12th, 2005 at 1:03 am
I’d play with myself for $10/hr. Anyone wanna watch? I’m gonna have to charge.. >_<
October 16th, 2005 at 9:37 am
dude i know exactly how you feel i went through the almost two week pre-employment crap your going through right now back when it was still boise cascade and then they didn’t even fucking hire me…
October 16th, 2005 at 3:13 pm
Ron, I took the liberty of replacing your “***” with “uck”.
Tsk tsk tsk.