Wheeeee My First Fender-Bender!
I like to think I’m a fairly responsible driver. I drive the speed limit, I don’t tailgate, I signal and check my blind spots before changing lanes, I don’t change lanes in intersections, if a light is turning yellow, I actually slow down…you know, all those pesky traffic rules that everybody forgets as soon as that license is in their hand. Now, I wasn’t ALWAYS a responsible driver, but that’s beside the point here.
Well, I JUST…JUST bought this fucking car, a 2001 Hyundai Elantra GLS (silver), about 45 days ago (I know because my temporary permit expired yesterday, and I had just put my shiny new plates on it), and I guess the problem with being a responsible driver is the fact that you’re not the only driver on the road. Now, I didn’t demolish my car by any means, but one of the main reasons I was drawn to this 2001 Elantra was because of the impeccable condition the body was in. Whoever owned it before me took EXCEPTIONALLY good care of it. There was a tiny ding in the hood, and a small crack along the bottom of the windshield, but otherwise the thing literally looks like it just rolled off the showroom floor. Well, I guess that’s past tense now. It LOOKED like it just rolled off the showroom floor…until about 3 hours ago.
I had gone home to check for packages at lunch, and the only thing I received was a big package of (guitar) picks that I had ordered a while ago. I decided I’d just get back to the office and hang out for lunch. It had juuuuust started snowing, so I was already in an incredible mood (that’s sarcasm) and was sitting at a red light at a fairly busy intersection. I was the fourth car back from the light, and it turned green and everybody started doing their thing…you know: going. Well the first car went straight, but the SECOND car at the light THOUGHT he was going straight then suddenly decided he was going to turn into a gas station on the corner. I’m not exactly sure, but he just suddenly decided he needed to turn without letting anybody else know. Between me and this genius was a guy in, you guessed it, a big ridiculous truck, since I am one of four people in this god-forsaken state that own a sensible, practical car. He slammed on his brakes and WOULD have hit the guy in front of him (it had just started snowing, remember), but that guy turned out of his way, leaving the truck stopped for no reason. Of course, this left me…driving a whopping 20 miles an hour (considering I had just started going from a red light, a pretty liberal estimate…it was probably more like 15), right into Ridiculous Truck.
What’s weird is ever since I got this car, I have been absolutely TERRIFIED of damaging it, and even have dreams where I total the car. I mean, it’s not a NICE car, but it’s a good looking vehicle, in good condition, and most importantly, the nicest car I’ve ever owned, for which I am paying with my own hard-earned cash. Slowwwwly sliding into the back of that truck was extremely surreal, and after I actually hit it there was a moment where I thought “Okay right, this is where I wake up”, buuuuut not the case. Now, had this been a CAR in front of me, we were going slow enough, and I had skidded long enough that we would have touched bumpers, shook each others hands, and been on our way. But since this was Ridiculous Truck, and the bumper isn’t effective against bumping into ANYTHING (except maybe other ridiculous trucks), the trailer hitch (which never has and never will have an actual trailer hitched to it) punched a nice clean hole right in my fiberglass grill, just to the left of the headlight. That’s it. It missed the headlight, it missed the radiator, the car drives perfectly fine and is not leaking fluids…it was just a little “Hey, nice car. Fuck you” from fate. It popped the hood up a little on one corner, but that could probably be easily snapped back into place. THEN to add insult to injury, as if I wasn’t sick to my stomach enough, the cop issues me a “Following too closely” ticket, while the left-turn bandit that decided he REALLY needed a slushee ASAP didn’t even bother stopping to say “Hey, sorry I drive like a moron” or “Hey, that accident might have kinda been my fault” or “I’m sorry, please have my slushee”.
Well, one thing I’ve learned about auto accidents is cosmetic damage is almost always as expensive as structural or internal damage, and I really don’t know if it’s worth fixing. I guess what I’m trying to say here is this is Bush’s fault.
February 14th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
Shitty deal, man. If it makes you feel any better, I lol’ed at the last sentence. All the body damage I did to my car was because I’m a dumbass and didn’t actually involve other cars.
February 16th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
First (and only) brand new vehicle I ever bought got hit in a parking lot before I had the license plates for it; I’ve found it only happens to cars you give a shit about.
Soooo sorry, and yes I blame Bush too
February 17th, 2006 at 1:51 am
It was probably one of Bush’s henchmen that turned into the gas station
February 18th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
At least it wasn’t a Hummer. Or Bush driving a Hummer. Have you considered the possibility of Sean Hennedy and Rush Limbaugh…ghgghgh as co-conspirators?