I am Jack’s Raging Bile Duct
Okay, it’s been three weeks and a whole lot of nothing has happened. Bonnie has, for all intents and purposes, dropped off the face of the planet. She has made no effort to contact me (like, to get the rest of her stuff), and has made it impossible for me to contact her (though I quit trying after about 3 days). Also, since my friends were her friends, she has completely dropped out of the circle. Hell, she could be dead for all I know. All that matters now is that Bonnie is the enemy.
A good deal of new information came to light in the days following the breakup, but I won’t go into the gutwrenching details. Let’s just say Bonnie turned out to be a horrible lying slut that cares only about herself. Yeah, it kills me to say that about somebody I truly loved, but I’m so bitter over the entire thing…
So anyway, I took quite a bit of time off work and basically wasn’t sober for a good two solid weeks. Ah, the magical problem-solving capabilities of alcohol. Unfortunately, I drank my iPod fund. It’s true. I had a good $400 set aside for a shiny new 60gb video, and I chose to filter it all through my liver. If I could remember it, I’m sure it was a fun two weeks, but I’d really like an MP3 player now. The real kicker here is that after careful consideration, I opted to not return to work, and ditched my networking job. I could go off on the reasons behind this, but put simply, I really needed to take things down a notch or two and give myself some room to breathe while I figure some stuff out.
Finally, fully prepared to subject myself to further punishment as soon as possible, I managed to stumble into a relationship of sorts. Meeting this girl ended my short career as an alcoholic prematurely, preventing my binger from reaching biblical proportions. I could say a lot of great things about her, but I’m so goddamn confused right now I don’t know what to make of anything. I’d be lying if I said I was totally over Bonnie, because that’s just not possible in the three weeks we’ve been apart. It seems like every time it feels like it’s getting better, I miss her again. Deeply. I feel stupid about it because I have absolutely no reason to care for her anymore, but I still worry. After all the terrible, terrible things she did to me, I just want her to make one good decision in her life and figure out where she’s headed. Ugh, is that way too “nice guy”? Well get fucked. Though what happened angers me to no end, I loved her, and unlike her, I can’t just flip a switch and shut off my feelings for her. In fact, I basically have to constantly reassure myself that I don’t still love her. You can imagine how fun that makes hanging out with other girls.
Well, that’s the gist of the past couple weeks; drinking, drama, and…I don’t know, make up your own D word. Just don’t make it destiny.
April 21st, 2006 at 10:56 pm
Destruction…
April 23rd, 2006 at 8:17 pm
Dampness…
April 23rd, 2006 at 10:16 pm
dragonator??
April 24th, 2006 at 12:41 am
Dan-o
April 24th, 2006 at 5:06 am
I know a dude named Dan-O.
April 24th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
I think Dan-O (at least the one in the Violators or whatever) is synonymous with Despair.
April 24th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Nah man, dichotomy.
April 24th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
FUCK!! why didnt i think of that one??!?!?!