Wine Sucks
Craving a change of pace from my regular micro-brew purchase after work today, I turned to our wine selection. I don’t know anything about wine, except that I have never enjoyed drinking it. Something in the back of my head told me that I was older and wiser now, and that that would somehow allow me to appreciate a wine. Unfortunately, not knowing anything about wine doesn’t help when you’re trying to purchase some, so I opted for a popular bottle: yellowtail chardonnay. Word on the street is chardonnays go well with chicken or pasta. Hey, I like chicken AND pasta! This wine must be delicious. Besides, it has a cool label.
…
So yeah, turns out this wine could not POSSIBLY be good with ANYTHING, since it’s not even good with your nose plugged and your eyes closed. It took Chuck and I the better part of 30 minutes to choke down a glass each and, after sealing the demon back beneath its cork where it can no longer violate anybody’s senses, the bottle sits. Who knows how long it will take me to finish this thing… Perhaps it’s an acquired taste, like most alcohol, but I’m not so sure how much I want to acquire the taste for wood-flavored urine. At this point, all I can imagine is how tasty of a six pack I could have purchased for the eight bucks I blew on this bottle. At the same time, it is hilarious to me that this wine was carefully crafted, aged for two years and schlepped all the way from Australia to Casper, Wyoming so that my friend and I could have a glass, dry heave, and shelve it.
Beer, I am so sorry I doubted you. I don’t know what came over me. Please take me back…we can work this out.
July 10th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
yellowtail has a smoky flavor that not everyone is going to enjoy; I believe it’s the brand rather than the type of wine
have you watched sideways? maybe you should come out here and we can tour the wineries
and really, if you can acquire a taste for beer, you can acquire a taste for anything
July 10th, 2006 at 11:39 pm
Just because it goes good with chicken and pasta doesn’t mean it’ll be good on its own. I mean, butter goes pretty good with bread and other things that you put butter on (or so I’m told…I’m not too partial to butter or any other solid/semi-solid dairy product, for that matter), but that doesn’t mean eating a stick of it will produce a tongue-melting taste sensation. Maybe you should have picked up one of those pasta-stuffed chickens they sell at Loaf’n'Jug so as to provide the chardonnay with something that it can compliment. Or how about some chicken flavored ramen…that counts, doesn’t it?
That being said, wine tastes like ballsack and I’d rather guzzle pregnant mare urine, which is high in estrogen content. The more you know…
July 11th, 2006 at 12:34 am
I just got back from a funeral and I had wine there, so it must go with funerals. Have you tried a nice sirrah or merlot with a funeral? It’s great, and yeah haven’t you seen sideways yet you fuck? ugh Pinot… head hurts … Miles … shouldn’t have drove back from douglas on alaskan amber and wine… slipping…
July 11th, 2006 at 2:37 am
Well, a friend’s birthday is coming up and I want to get her a wine, cuz she loves the stuff. Today I picked up Fetzer’s “Gewurztraminer”, which is INFINITELY superior to the shit I bought last night, but I still haven’t decided on what I want to pick out for her. Something fruity and girly for sure.
July 11th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Might I suggest a vintage Arbor Mist?
July 11th, 2006 at 3:38 pm
Hahaha