Oops, My Bad
Nix that last entry. Apparently somebody else beat me to the punch at creating my own psychological profile in pie chart format. Somebody that knows me really well. Second, possibly third-hand. Across the country. The REAL results should read as follows:
Long story short, broke the heart of a very, very sweet girl who, unbeknownst to me, has extremely immature friends. Lesson learned, I guess. A Myspace onslaught of anti-Bill sentiment looms.
Oh, I kinda wish the whole “liar” thing would get dropped, because I’m very honest with the opposite sex. The other two things MAY be true.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go thinks with my cock.
Civilian casualties:
War in Iraq: 43927
Post-Bonnie Bill: 2
July 31st, 2006 at 2:52 am
I would go 30% asshole, 20% repressed homosexuality, 10% miscellaneous alcohol-addled brain wastage, 15% random facts about beer, and 25% rock. Some girls blame guys for thinking with their cock when they themselves are overly amorous / looking for a reason to hate males and become radical anarcho-primitivist-feminist-lesbian-schutzstaffel combat-boot-wearing-militant-hate stations. But in this case, I’d say it’s all your fault and anyone who says anything ill of you is completely justified and deserves sympathy and maybe a medal that reads “victim of the year”…
It’s fucking bullshit, Bill. Don’t take it personally, you’re a good person who hasn’t done anything wrong. Just go listen to your emo records, wear black, and grow your hair out for a few days and you’ll be fine.
July 31st, 2006 at 8:14 am
The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong resin…
What the hell did I miss in our short time away. Do I need to kick some girl ass? I’m very good at scratching, Bill, you know this. I say we start a Pro-Bill Sentiment and start burning books, having rallies, and really kick start things for Bill in ‘08.
July 31st, 2006 at 8:43 am
Dude, you need to get that orange-yellowish portion up to AT LEAST 80%… though 98% is preferred, with the other two at 1% apiece. Although, the flip-side of the coin is that EVERY woman loves an asshole, so maybe you could boost your stats there as well. I guess what I’m saying is, at least you’re a balanced person.
July 31st, 2006 at 12:52 pm
is bill gonna have to choke a bitch??
July 31st, 2006 at 5:11 pm
I second choking the bitch!!!
July 31st, 2006 at 11:19 pm
This thread sounds very misogynistic if you’re not familiar with us.
August 1st, 2006 at 2:46 am
Nah, you guys misunderstand. I definitely fucked up and I feel awful about the whole thing. Still, let’s not forget how many times I have been the one fucked over by the girl. Actually, I did forget, because it’s been too fucking many to count. This “men are assholes” thing is bullshit, because girls pull this same shit all the time as well. Let’s be fair here: people are stupid and do stupid things. I am a people.
Anyway, this thing is truly incredible. Not only does it do the vast majority of my thinking, I can mix drinks AND open bottles with it, type 65WPM with it, and I actually just hit a 94 on 18 with it at the new golf course the other day. I discover new uses all the time. What a versatile instrument!
August 1st, 2006 at 1:05 pm
I used it to rappel down the faces of Mt. Rushmore
August 1st, 2006 at 1:06 pm
Bills I mean
August 1st, 2006 at 3:34 pm
Well, the top three and a half inches of Mt. Rushmore, anyway.
August 1st, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Don’t be so modest, Bill. With a full-grown man hanging from the other end down a cliff, you know it streches to at least five inches.
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:33 pm
Yeah you are people! Au-Burn!
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:36 pm
Does Jesse qualify as a full grown man? I was thinking more like 1/4 Kong.
August 3rd, 2006 at 11:45 am
I am people too?! Fuck yes.
August 4th, 2006 at 7:22 am
Dude the girl that tried to burn you listens to Crass. Nobody decent ever really liked Crass, they’re the band posers list as “totally my favorite anarcho-syndicalist puke ronk record” to gain instant credibility with “old-schoolers”, or “jaded new schoolers”. No personality so bland that it can’t be spiced up with some horrifically bad taste in music to go with some horrifically outdated politics. How does one go about starting a revolution? Read a book about the working class uprising written in 1820 so you have the rhetoric down. Practicality be damned if you quote Pierre Joseph Proudhon more than once. I can’t believe that you were even mildly bothered by these people. You’re not an asshole, you just have a factory standard “dumbass detector” built in. You probably were unintentionally a dick because it was going off the whole time.