The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen
Me and Amanda’s schedules aligned just right this week that we were able to spend a day and a half down in Ft. Collins, partly because she wanted to shop for winter clothes, but mostly just to get out of town, even if it was only overnight.
We were just about ready to head back this afternoon and were killing time driving around looking at the 9 billion specialty shops in town. An import Belgian chocolate shop caught her eye and we pulled in so she could purchase some ridiculously overpriced goodies for her mom. Before we could park however, the old woman driving in front of us spotted a parked car with their brake lights on, and she stopped so she could take their parking space when it freed up. You know, she opted to hold up traffic for a good 45 seconds so she only had to walk 15 feet to the store front, rather than 25.
I’m not sure what was taking the guy so long to pull out of the space, but this lady patiently waited while car after car pulled up behind us. I don’t normally get mad at other drivers, but it didn’t take me long before I grew impatient and was yelling at the lady to give up and move on to another spot. FINALLY, the truck slowwwwly backed out and the woman FINALLY started to slowwwwly pull into the spot when it happened: another car snaked her spot by pulling into it from the other direction! Don’t ask me what the hell struck me as so funny about the whole thing, but I immediately exploded in laughter. We’re not talking about a subtle, spiteful chuckle either; I was in hysterics. The woman sat confused for several more seconds before pulling off and finding a space elsewhere, finally freeing up the traffic jam that had found its way clear OUT of the parking lot. My laughter continued all the way into our own parking space, and for the entire time we were in the chocolate store picking out chocolates. I was completely incapacitated with laughter.
I finally regained composure and maintained it for several hours until the scene replayed in my head later in the day, and I again completely lost it, literally to the point that I had tears streaming down my face. I wish I could say it was a “you had to be there” sort of thing, but Amanda was there, and the only thing she found funny about it was the fact that I found it so funny. I may just be going crazy.
Other highlights from the trip include:
- A visit to a jungle-themed bar, complete with swings for seating, rather than stools.
- A visit to a skate/surf bar, which serves terrible drinks, but the best pizza you’ve ever had. No joke. I took several slices back to the hotel room that night, which accidentally got kicked off the bed onto the floor. I don’t think I’ve ever been so heartbroken. If I could take back one thing in my life, it would be knocking that pizza box off the bed. It’s that good. It was at this bar we also happened to catch the last half of a set from the Hudson Falcons, the best straight-up punk band I’ve heard in quite a long while. I even bought one of their CDs, the first straight-up punk CD I’ve purchased in…well, quite a long while.
- A visit to a lingerie shop where I discovered The Emperor, the biggest, blackest dildo ever conceived, which I can only imagine would feel something like giving birth in reverse. This COULD have taken title of “funniest thing I’ve ever seen”, were I not absolutely terrified.
- Before heading home, Amanda got the crazy idea to have lunch at Chuck E. Cheese’s (where a 24-year-old can be a kid), where we had some not-so-great pizza and spent about a zillion tokens on Mario Kart GP, that firefighting game Sega put out about 10 years ago (Gameplay tip: Let the mayor catch on fire. I laughed until my sides hurt. Could have been the pizza, though), and an air hockey table designed for people half our height.
Aside from blowing my ENTIRE Wii fund (fuck…), I would say mission: accomplished. Exactly what that mission was has yet to be decided (I mean, besides Mission: Watch Amanda Buy 7 Goddamn Pairs of Shoes).
October 25th, 2006 at 11:49 pm
Best straight-up post in a month. (Straight-up.)
October 26th, 2006 at 12:03 am
Damn, I should have said in quite a long while.
October 26th, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Surfside, shitty drinks GREAT PIZZA is about right. Fuck I miss Ft. Collins sometimes!
October 26th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
“A visit to a lingerie shop where I discovered The Emperor, the biggest, blackest dildo ever conceived, which I can only imagine would feel something like giving birth in reverse. This COULD have taken title of “funniest thing I’ve ever seenâ€, were I not absolutely terrified.”
Hahahahahahahahaha
Updates like this are the reason this site is still worth checking daily.
November 6th, 2006 at 2:11 am
dude if you think that’s bad wait till you get married then you have to do that all the damn time while pretending to be hopelessly devoted to your ever loving spend happy wife who could really give a shit less whether you ever got another pair of shoes or set of clothes the rest of your life as long as she gets to quench her womanly shopping thirst and rid you of your hard earned money…oh what fun awaits you.