Hu
One of the funnest things about my job was the assortment of genuine characters that frequented it. Unfortunately, my tenure was cut short before I could really get to know one of my favorite customers, to whom we referred as “The Casper the Friendly Ghost Guy”. This clever nickname was chosen because a plastic Casper the Friendly Ghost was impaled on his hood ornament. I could explain in detail, but I’ll spare you; this guy was nuts. About a week ago he came in as usual, but his Casper the Friendly Ghost hood piece was missing. My attention was then drawn to his custom plates, which read, simply, “ECK”.
Curious, I asked him what “Eck” meant, totally unaware of the can of worms I was opening.
“Eck is just another term for the holy spirit!”
That was a new one on me, so I responded “Hmm…that’s a new one on me.”
He then elaborated for about 3 solid minutes about how nobody can be sacrificed to pay for YOUR sorry sins! Christians got it all wrong! Jesus didn’t die for our sorry sins! He was murdered! God™ didn’t send Jesus to die for our sorry sins any more than throwing a virgin in a volcano will cover for OUR SORRY SINS!
I would have KILLED for a tape recorder.
Then, triumphantly, he exclaimed “Thank God I’m an Ekkist!” He began to drive off from the window, but then stopped and stuck his thumb out his window, gesturing for me to read his bumpersticker that said something about the church of light and sound, followed by the web address www.eckankar.org.
I had heard of Eckankar only in passing, and decided to do some research. You can check the site yourself. Take, for example, the description of the temple:
The Temple of ECK in Chanhassen, Minnesota, is both a local community church and a Golden Wisdom Temple. The building and grounds are sacred, and the Temple is a center from which the message of the Light and Sound of God reaches many people.
A pale golden ziggurat crowns the Temple. This stepped, pyramidal roof is reminiscent of architecture common to ancient Sumer, Babylonia, and Assyria. The design symbolizes mankind’s spiritual journey up the plateaus of life. Humanity starts at the level of the human consciousness and makes its deliberate way to the summit, which is God Consciousness.
I can only think “cult”.
Wednesday night, he returned, but he had a tip for me: A card promoting some bizarre practice of his cult. When he handed it to me, he said “Happy Thanksgiving”, to which I responded “Hey, you too, man.” He paused, his expression hardening and he repeated: “NO. Happy Thanksgiving.” Unsure how to respond, I nodded and said “…happy thanksgiving…”. His eyebrows furrowed, he paused, as if about to make some profound statement then repeated: “…thanksgiving.” Confused, I only nodded, and he drove off.
Anyway, the card covers basic instructions on how to participate in an Ekkist prayer, the description of which sounds remarkably similar to a huge waste of time! From the smell of burning animals to listening to people chant “Huuuuuu” for 20 minutes, god™ sure does get off on some weird shit.
My favorite part of the card is the “with eyes open or closed” instruction, as if there’s another option. “Blinking rapidly, take a few deep breaths…”
November 27th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
Hahaha, I love this blog so much.
November 28th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
i can’t believe you like phish…
November 29th, 2006 at 12:14 am
You should have told him your last name was Eckerson to see if he would bow.
February 6th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
I actually found one of these “Hu” cards in wal-mart. I thought to myself, while laughing and reading this card, how is it that people can be this unoriginal? This has been around forever as what’s called a mantra meditation. The difference is they picked a bit of jibberish to repeat, and also include Jesus this time.
March 31st, 2007 at 11:58 pm
yup, yup, cult, cult. raised in it, probably know that poor acid-eaten fellow. incidentally, the ‘eyes open or closed’ is because people understandably feel strange closing their eyes to chant a nonsense word.
my personal favorite is how the hu card says ‘pronounced ‘hue’.’ when i was little, the cards said ‘pronounced ‘hugh,” and i always thought that was dumb. i guess even cults have to roll with the times.