Letting Go of God
I just finished Letting Go of God, a live spoken word album by Julia Sweeney — the actress probably best known as “Pat” on Saturday Night Live. In it, she details the journey of her loss of faith — from her Catholic upbringing, through her exploration of new age mysticism, to Buddhism, to a sort of pantheism, and finally to atheism.
It’s a double CD, a little over 2 hours in length, and as such makes for a good skeptical “palette wetter” that should encourage further reading. I think many believers are turned off of skeptical or scientific media because skeptics can come off as confrontational or condescending, even arrogant to the believer, and scientific reading is well, scientific. Letting Go of God is none of these things; Julia’s delivery is endearing and seeks more to inspire than persuade.
The album was interesting to me because I’ve never heard a first-hand account of a believer turning their back on their god. She discusses the struggle at length, and I sympathized. She describes reeling from her realization, almost complete panic, as her world ceases to make sense. It gave me eye-opening insight into the difficulty people have with abandoning the idea of god. This is vastly different from my own “conversion” to atheism, as I grew up in a fairly secular household. I believed in god not because it was forced on me in my childhood, but because, as far as I knew, god was just there, and deserved your belief. I don’t remember the exact moment I lost my admittedly half-assed faith, it was so unimportant to me and how I lived my life. In fact, the realization was so trivial, I’m sure I thought something like “Weird, I’ve been lied to my whole life. What else is new?” and finished my sandwich. Though I guess I would have considered myself Christian, mostly out of ignorance of what I thought I believed, god was a very abstract concept to me. To the faithful, god (and/or Jesus) is an actual person; a loving father figure that plays an important role in every moment of their life(/afterlife). Since I have no basis for perspective, I have to imagine discovering there is no god in this case would be a little like living a lifetime in a dream, then waking from it to an entirely different reality. I have trouble fathoming that. I think that a lot of believers really aren’t that dumb; that their logic really does tell them that god isn’t real, but the fear of breaking away from a comfortable concept keeps them in check. The disillusionment would be overwhelming, and it’s easier to just keep accepting that god is there.
Julia’s story is poignant, humorous and, dare I say it, heartwarming, and does a very good job of de-demonizing the atheist. I was entertained from beginning to end and, given the opportunity, would love to see her show performed live.
Since I read The God Delusion before listening to Letting Go of God, I mistakenly assumed that she had taken a good portion of her material from the book. But I was wrong. Letting Go of God predates Dawkins’ book, and it appears he lifted a portion of her material for one of his chapters. I don’t think this is a reflection of poor quality of Dawkins’ book, but rather a testament to his admiration for her delivery — I learned later that Julia Sweeney won the Richard Dawkins Award in 2006, an award that is “given every year to honor an outstanding atheist whose contributions raise public awareness of the nontheist life stance; who through writings, media, the arts, film, and/or the stage advocates increased scientific knowledge; who through work or by example teaches acceptance of the nontheist philosophy; and whose public posture mirrors the uncompromising nontheist life stance of Dr. Richard Dawkins.” That just about sums up her album perfectly.
Here’s a clip near the end that got me laughing aloud, and after listening you should probably find a way to hear the entire thing.
July 15th, 2007 at 2:14 am
It’s not just the disillusionment, I think for many believers it’s that the real problem is thinking that THIS is all there is, makes life seem pretty damn pointless. And when you consider how unfair the world is, a comforting thought for many is that at least all these jerks will get their just punishment in the next life. And then there’s always losing someone you love, it’s too overwhelming for an awful lot of people to think they’ll never ever see that person again, especially when it’s a young child. In short, renouncing one’s faith is obviously difficult. Still, I can understand deism much more than I can understand any dogmatic faith, since such dogmatic belief is so obviously created by man. I firmly believe that the majority of people in the US who call themselves Christians are actually deists and just don’t know it cuz they’re never confronted with the fact that what they believe probably doesn’t conform to the Bible or at least if they ever really had to think about how absolutely ridiculous the whole Christian story is (you know…divine insanity) they’d at least have to admit that the whole story has major problems with it.
July 16th, 2007 at 8:58 am
Yeah, I grew up Lutheran. Confirmed, and all that jazz. I think I went to church probably every Sunday for almost 14 years, probably more like 15. Growing up it just seemed like going through the motions. Every Sunday I had to wake up and go do this thing for an hour or so, so I could get home and continue playing Atari. All the while being taught about God and Jesus and blah blah blah. I never really grew a connection with any of it. Like I said, I went through the motions. Believing that there was a God, seeing as if you have it thrown at you since you can remember, what other option do you have? I remember getting older and it seeming more and more ridiculous, like, what the fuck sheet is pulled over all these peoples’ heads? Going to school, and learning about things like dinosaurs, the evolution of man, ANYTHING IN ANY FUCKING SCIENCE CLASS EVER…how can you still go to church on Sunday and not question things. Have you ever really sat down and read the bible? It’s a really stupid story. It’s nothing more than a bunch of fear mongering life lessons, with some groovy dude gallivanting around doing magic tricks. Imagine living in that time and encountering someone like Jesus. This fucking psycho, that is wandering around the desert, unkempt beard and scraggly hair, trying to convince a crowd of people that he just cured a leper? Kind of like a child trying to convince you he didn’t just eat that last cookie, and that unicorns do too exist, they have one in their closet.
And once I really started thinking for myself, I grew disconnected from the whole thing. I still had to smile and go through the motions until I was 16, free, and had a car. Sure, the people that I went to church with and had grown up seeing every week were nice people. Great people, I made great friends with some of them too. But it still blew my mind to think, that according to their book, they believed that dudes survived at the same time as dinosaurs, and some righteous motherfucker built a boat, put animals on it, and rode that killer wave out. It just rubbed me as a group of people really believing in a fairytale. And that’s what it is. How people don’t think that anything is wrong with it is bizarre. What if I started up a group where we all believe that what happens in Aesop’s Fables is true, and we should all worship these characters created for teaching us lessons. People would think I was fucking bonkers. Even though it does the same thing. Fuck, at least Aesop uses cute animals and doesn’t use scare tactics of sin, destruction, guilt, and ultimate redemption of life everlasting. Aesop uses a fucking mouse and an elephant to tell you to help people out every once in a while. Basically, don’t be a dick, no more, no less.
Once I came around to the fact that church and the bible was ultimately not for me. It was quite easy to just go on without that facet of my life. I could play Atari for that extra hour every Sunday morning. I didn’t really consider myself anything until I really became friends with who I am now, and fell into the lifestyle I have now, and that’s when I did begin to associate myself with Atheism. I had read up on things, educated myself more, and could finally give a name to it. I still sometimes have a hard time saying that I am an Atheist. Maybe it’s the whole “ism” thing. Because while I may believe in science over the bible, I just don’t give a shit either. I know that science got me here, I know that I evolved from ape-like creatures, and I know that things are gonna be going on long after I go. But that means that I got way too much stuff to do in way to little of time to really worry about all the people that still believe in God and go to church, and those that don’t.
The way I see it today, if you do go to church, believe in god, whatever (which is still most of my family) that’s fine, do what you want to. If you don’t believe in God, then don’t, that’s fine too. You’re still my friend. The second someone tries to force it on me is when I have problems. And that happens about…never, so I have no problem worrying about whether I should have another beer, knowing that I should probably practice my guitar more, lyrics need be written, I need to draw more, I really need to read more, and hey, maybe tonight I’ll get some mad lovin’ beneath the sheets going on. I’m glad I’m where I am today with the beliefs I hold now and the above mentioned worries, compared to how I would’ve turned out, and what the hell I would worry about if I hadn’t thought for myself (a pussy) but I’m not gonna think about it either. Like I said, far better things to occupy my time with. That’s the mind blowing part, the fact that all of these people still worry about God smiting them and following all these ridiculous rules. When they could be bothering themselves with how much action they’re getting, how many beers are left in the fridge, and how much fun they COULD be having.
So yeah, there’s my story of change. Way too long, rambling, and pointless. Realizing I would’ve probably been a wuss pants no fun, instead of a radical dude that has the right to get gnarly. At least I realized that I could have more fun in life, and my family, while still being very much Christian, have realized that and left me to my own devices while I leave them to theirs. It all works out, and we can believe what we want, and still get a long. It’s the really devout, gun toting, militant believers on any side of any religion I’m worried about. To stake that much claim in something that should be common knowledge (it’s common knowledge) that maybe you shouldn’t fuck your neighbors wife, hit your kids, or steal from anyone, doesn’t mean that you should take up arms about it if someone doesn’t believe in those things. I think it’s safe to say that I don’t need ten commandments or God to tell me that I shouldn’t fuck my neighbors wife. There’s just shit you don’t do. People should realize this instead of enforcing that belief with guilt, fear, false promise, and in those crazy far out cases, guns.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m an Atheist. It’s great, and I believe that I can be an Atheist and have fun. For me, it’s about realizing that science is pretty fucking rad, and I can drink beer, get laid, and goof off, as much as I want, and it’s sad to think that so many people are afraid of cutting loose, because they’ll sin. Thinking about it, there wasn’t a single fucking Sunday, that I didn’t go to church and my sins weren’t forgiven. There isn’t going to be a day when all the believers go to church and the priest decides that God isn’t forgiving today, you’re all fucked. Not going to happen, because it’s ritual, and it doesn’t exist, and yet people still live in fear instead of having some fun. Besides, we live under George Dubbya rule. There is plenty of living in fear going on in the day to day if you can’t break free of that lifestyle. I’d rather live in fear of someone that can’t form an actual sentence running the program, than living in fear of a book full of stories.
All hail Aesop.
July 16th, 2007 at 10:53 am
You make it sound like being an atheist is just a life full of indulging in “sin” though. Everybody likes beer, sex, Atari, and all possible combinations of those things, but just as you accuse the Christians of wasting their lives/time worshiping and preparing for heaven, you need to clarify that there’s more to your lifestyle than just those things.
There’s also Wii and Guitar Hero.
July 16th, 2007 at 11:00 am
Well, I certainly don’t want Atheism to come across as those things, it just seems like if your an Atheist, you can certainly have more fun. It’s all what you make of it I guess. I’m sure there are Christians or other people of different religious backgrounds that like beer, sex, and Atari…but growing up with it, it just seems like you can indulge in those things, but only with consequence of the highest of degree. Being an Atheist, the only consequence I need worry about is the science aspect of vomit, babies, and hi-scores.
And honestly, there isn’t much more to my lifestyle. I hang out with my special lady friend, play with my dog, drink beer, and play video games. I work and pay bills too, but that isn’t fun enough to mention. Plus, I’ve only played the Wii once. So I mostly just have Guitar Hero. If I really want to work the Wii in there, It’s going to involve the beer/sex thing too, and I’m not sure we’re to that point in our relationship just yet dude.
July 16th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Oh, also, weed. Lots and lots of the dankest fucking reefer I can get my hands on. Fuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk. 420 smoke weed everyday.