Lazy Man’s Philanthropy
Stop Hunger!
Stop Breast Cancer!
Something About Children! Who Doesn’t Like Children?!
Make Learning More Gooder!
Make Sure Animals Aren’t Euthanized Hungry!
Stop Save the Rainforest!
Whether or not these sites actually work, it sure helps to justify not getting off your lazy American ass all day when you can click a button and read a message that says “You have just helped to protect 11.4 square feet of rainforest.” It feels good to take a short break between asianteennymphocumsluts.com and stealing music to conjure up .6 bowls of food for a starving stray dog by sheer willpower** alone! Somewhere out there a woman needs a mammogram and through some bizarre twist of fate it is up to me to provide it by clicking a button — is her breast cancer detected in time? Sure! Children in developing nations need healthcare? Well so do I, but children in developing nations don’t have computers to click me up some free doctor visits. I looked, but there are no buttons to click computers to these kids so they could return the favor some day. I click anyway; now that’s true selflessness!
Despite pummeling you with sarcasm, I am strangely addicted to these sites. If clicking isn’t fulfilling enough, make some shit up. For example, I like to imagine that in the 11.4 square feet of rainforest I helped to save, the last two members of a nearly extinct species of chimpanzee are making passionate monkey love.
And if the sites are total bullshit, doesn’t it provide some sort of placebo effect-type warmth in your heart? Maybe you’re only supporting an idea, or a strange abstraction of giving, but doesn’t that beat exercising free speech by shouting obscenities at school children? The answer to that, my friends, is subjective. It’s up to you to find out.
**plus click
September 9th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I remember when I was in an early elementary school grade, we did this everyday we had computer class. When we didn’t, one of us had to go help the teacher click on the link–on every single computer in the computer lab. This was because they said clicking on the link over and over would cause the service to be shut down. In retrospect, I don’t think IP would really be checked like that, though I’m clearly not an expert. They’d still be coming from the same internet connecting so they’d likely all be seen as 40 clicks, regardless of weather it was on 40 computers or just one. It’s obviously still there, though, so ‘plus click.’
September 9th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Well, all the computers on the school’s LAN (especially in the same room) would still be routed through one public IP. That’s basic grade school survival knowledge.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Stupid me, giving MONEY to charitable organizations all these years.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
Well not me, but a guy I used to know.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
On TV.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Yeah man, turns out there are people waiting around for clicks before they give money to charities FOR you.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:30 am
Sorry bro, what were you saying again? I’m having problems pulling myself away from asianteennymphocumsluts.com.
September 10th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
i looked up asianteennymphocumsluts.com not a real site but asianteen.net is and its good
September 10th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
You should buy that domain and sit on it. Someone will pay good money for it EVENTUALLY. It’s a memorable URL and would look good on stationary.
September 10th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Oh, I also have an ulterior motive. Every day I click all six buttons I get 33mbs of free upload credit on my favorite ROM/ISO torrent site. A mammogram is just a mammogram, but I can download 33 extra megabytes of classic videogames a day without messing up my ratio!
Charity IS its own reward!