Journey to the Land of Ports
Well, I put in my two weeks’ notice at my job today. I’ll be moving to Portland within a month at most.
Man’s Law, God’s Law, Coleslaw
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Well, I put in my two weeks’ notice at my job today. I’ll be moving to Portland within a month at most.
18 Responses to “Journey to the Land of Ports”
you’ll be back in a year.
Maybe. Even if so, at least I will have TRIED to do something. I haven’t done anything for my entire life.
The Casper to Portland move is too trendy for me, I’m off to Detroit.
I just thought id leave you with same wise words you left me off with. Just maybe we will run into each other sometime since Portland is the aspiring mans Casper.
Yeah, but Casper is the perspiring mans Portland.
What can you aspire to be in Portland, besides a fucking douche bag
There’s my friends! Christ, I was starting to feel like I didn’t have any! The rumors are true: I’m leaving Wyoming to become a douche bag. Thanks for the words of encouragement, guys.
Bill, one question.
are there any me’s in portland? i ask you.
Yeah, I ran into a couple.
oh….. i didnt realize. sorry baby. have fun in portland then. you have my blessing
Where portland?
portland texas?
whos christ? jesus aaww yes i like him very well
Portland, New South Wales. Australia.
oh i bet its beautiful this time of year
But I still need you to build me a computer
Look… it’s not that everyone that moves to Portland turns into a douche bag, some go on to be mid-level jerks and a select few even become outright bastards, but we worry that your “heart is bigger than your head” and you’ll just wind up a douche bag. NOT that there’s anything wrong with douche bag, baby. Just don’t be disappointed if you don’t make it to Motherfucker in your first year. And always have a back up plan. When I first embarked on my dream of being a produce clerk in a grocery store, my parents told me “Always have a backup plan, son, maybe you could go to college just in case…” It’s been good advice thus far, it ranks right up there with other good advices I’ve used over the years… “Wear a seatbelt”,”Use a condom”, and of course “if it feels bigger than two fingers it’s probably a dick” Thanks parrot!
No but in all sincerity we wish you the best and hope you find total spiritual creaminess in Portland. It’s like that quote from the Shawshank Redemption when Red says”… I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”
See you’re like the bird in that story, only your colors aren’t really “bright” so much as they are “pubic hair”. And instead of “rejoicing” I’ll be “quietly enraged at you for the rest of my existence for leaving”. But other than that, pretty much the same sentiment… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll miss you… errr…no… I’m trying to say that you’re an asshole. Yeah, the second one.
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