The Peanut Butter Solution
One night several months ago at the now defunct dudes’ house, a children’s movie called The Peanut Butter Solution was brought up in conversation. Out of the maybe ten people present, only two had seen the film and while neither could seem to describe in detail exactly what the movie was about, both were able to vividly recall the creepy feeling they got watching it as kids. I made a mental note to try and track the movie down at some point, filing it under “miscellaneous”, where I store important dates and phone numbers so that I easily forget them.
A couple nights ago, I was trying to think of a new movie to download and decided to browse around on a site I belong to that specializes in bad and/or obscure movies. I don’t remember how I stumbled across it, but somebody had taken the time to encode their VHS copy of the film and upload it. It took nearly three days to download and in the meantime I would bring it up in conversation with other friends. The response is universally the same; they either barely remember it or were never able to finish it, but can distinctly recall an overwhelming feeling of foreboding surrounding the movie.
(10:11:47 PM) Bill: in 5 hours i’ll have the peanut butter solution
(10:12:05 PM) Chris: man, i don’t think i ever watched that movie all the way through
(10:12:15 PM) Bill: ryan was talking about it one night at the dudes
(10:12:18 PM) Bill: when we were all drinking
(10:12:23 PM) Chris: pretty sure some aspect of it freaked me the fuck out
(6:29:43 PM) Tim: i cant describe this
(6:29:47 PM) Tim: but something about that movie
(6:29:52 PM) Tim: makes me wanna cry
(6:29:58 PM) Tim: like…
(6:30:03 PM) Tim: something it did to me as a kid
(6:30:03 PM) Bill: haha ok…
(6:30:06 PM) Tim: something i didn’t like
(6:30:09 PM) Tim: i cant remember
(6:30:12 PM) Tim: but i have this weird vibe to this day
(6:30:18 PM) Tim: it just…
(6:30:20 PM) Tim: i cant describe it
(6:30:21 PM) Bill: thats what ryan adam and chris said
(6:30:28 PM) Tim: yeah
(6:30:32 PM) Tim: and i dont even remember it bill
(6:30:34 PM) Tim: at all
(6:30:46 PM) Tim: and i know subconsciously its done something to me
(6:30:49 PM) Bill: haha
(6:30:54 PM) Tim: that it still makes me think like this
(6:30:59 PM) Tim: and i cant even remember it
I had to see this, and last night I finally did. Now, I’m 25 years old and this movie gave me a creepy skin-crawly feeling. I can’t put my finger on it, but there are definitely some weird vibes here — the way it’s shot, the awkward dialogue between off-putting characters, the surreal plot, the fucking SCORE…it all comes together to form a complete child-traumatizing package.
Here’s a plot summary:
Michael, the young protagonist, goes exploring in an abandoned mansion in which two transients were killed in a fire the night before. He sees their ghosts, and in the process acquires an affliction called “The Fright,” which makes all his hair fall out. I’m assuming because the hair won’t grow back for whatever reason, he goes into a deep depression and self-imposed exile. Later, the ghosts return to his house to raid his kitchen and give him a secret recipe for a substance that, when applied to a part of your body, will make hair grow on it. He is warned to not use too much peanut butter (a thickening agent), but as he believes his concoction to be too runny, adds several times the recommended amount anyway. This makes his hair grow uncontrollably and he is kicked out of school and rejected by his peers (…yeah). Meanwhile, because the school he attends doesn’t perform background checks on their employees BEFORE they hire them, the creepy and nearly always unintelligible art teacher is fired for, among other things, having been fired from several schools before, changing his identity several times in the past and inciting complaints from traumatized art students. This isn’t really explained or shown, but suddenly the main character is kidnapped by the ex-art teacher because his hair can be used to create magic paintbrushes that allow the creation of magic paintings of whatever the painter can imagine. These paintings create living worlds that can be entered and explored (also not explained). Since Michael’s family throws out garbage bags of his hair clippings every day, I’m not totally sure why the art teacher had to kidnap him, but I digress. To simultaneously staff his magical paintbrush factory and make his operation more illegal than it already was, the art teacher kidnaps and enslaves twenty more children from the school (yet every adult in the movie seems to be strangely apathetic). In the end the evil teacher is tricked into painting the abandoned mansion and going inside, where he meets the ghosts of the burn victim hobos. Logically, this transfers Michael’s “Fright” to the art teacher, so the art teacher loses all his hair and Michael’s quits growing. The police bust up the magical paintbrush ring and everybody lives happily ever after.
During the last part of the film, I had a strong sense of deja vu, like I had seen part of the film before. It may have just been the strange feeling in my gut, but I think I very, very vaguely remembered the inside of the magic paintbrush factory and perhaps my brain had just locked the memory away.
I’ve also quickly edited and uploaded some clips so you can experience the movie’s look for yourself.
This is a superfluous dream sequence partway through the film that captures the feeling of the movie pretty well.
This clip is a collection of scenes involving a strange subplot in which Michael’s best friend Conrad applies the magic solution to his genitals. Again, the clueless adults in the movie don’t seem to think it’s at all weird that a ten year old boy is growing pubic pigtails out the bottom of his jeans. Conrad quickly learns that you can stop the hair’s growth by yelling at it but doesn’t bother passing this information on to his best friend. I also thought it was weird that despite the fact that this is pubic hair, and despite the fact that the kid has black hair, his goods are growing beautiful, voluminous and apparently straightened and conditioned brunette locks. This part of the story is also superfluous but adds to the movie’s bizarre vibe; I can only think of two or three other children’s movies that include scenes of little asian boys screaming at their pubic hair.
Finally, I included this creepy sequence at the end where the indentured paintbrush factory staff, who seem to be having a blast being kidnapped, witnesses the creation of a magic painting first-hand. Not only is this bizarre in that the children are laughing and giggling with their captor, but this scene is also a good example of the movie’s score, which I can only describe as “unsettling.” The composer was nominated for a Genie award for this film, whatever the fuck a Genie award is. The nomination was presumably for “outstanding achievement in the killing of children’s hopes and dreams.”
November 25th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Okay, I have to start commenting here. This is just too cool.
Good lord, I have to see this movie now. I absolutely need to find a torrent of it. The acting looks god-awful, but you didn’t really mention it. The evil art teacher’s crappy pantomiming skills while painting made me want to see other movies of his.
But this one first.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:00 am
coming home drunk and discovering this is unsettling…I’m scared to sleep now
November 26th, 2007 at 1:14 am
Those kids were bustin a gut when Heir art teacher painted the canvas…THATS what passed as entertainment in the mid 80’s? I’m glad the two coreys finally came along and introduced that generation to cocaine…”Finally something to pass dulls around here. More crack on my cheerios please”
anyway, i do remember that music and i remembered some old shack thing too, that dream sequence did give me that creeped out feeling again i got as a kid. same feeling id get when my uncle, now my aunt would come by and ask me to go shopping with her…
November 26th, 2007 at 1:14 pm
I think its super great that this features the first English-language songs ever performed by Celine Dion. Being a huge fan of hers, I am interested in hearing these.
This movie further proves how fucking weird French Candndidainas are.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
wow. in the second clip, i got chills when he reaches for the solution cause its like i watched it yesterday.
horrible find bill
just horrible.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
The Celine Dion song from this film can be seen here. The video is cheesy even by Celine Dion/1980’s standards, and for a song for a movie about a kid whose hair won’t stop growing, she’s REALLY into the lyrics.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
its weird that some of these people had an acting gig after this movie
November 26th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
and bill celine dion is ALLways into her lyrics that what make any song of hers powerful
November 26th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Haha thank you, Miguel.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Oh, more evidence that I’m not exaggerating the effect this movie has on kids — check out these user reviews. Nearly EVERYBODY believed the movie was a dream until they discovered later in life that the movie actually exists. I swear to god there has to be something to this:
Amazon.com
Amazon.ca
IMDB Messageboards
This lends my sense of deja vu during the last part of the movie a little credibility. Did I really see this as a kid only to completely block it from memory? Something is fucking wrong with this movie.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
I’m pretty sure this movie is where children’s nightmares come from. This seriously has to have some sort of horrible story behind it, like you ask someone about it and they say “The Peanut Butter Solution?… hmmm no one around here talks about it anymore…” and then you go to open the door but it’s locked and you turn back to the clerk and his eyes are pure white and he has a machete, and he’s screaming about his NAMBLA membership.
November 27th, 2007 at 10:09 am
this can’t be a kids movie…this is WAY to fucked up. WAY to scary. the score?! Jesus Christ… I’ve never seen/heard of this movie until you mentioned it Bill. I searched NetFlix and it isn’t available to rent. I need to watch this entire film to really get a grasp on things. ughck
November 27th, 2007 at 11:39 am
whos justin howard
November 28th, 2007 at 7:37 am
god fucking damnit Stevens
December 1st, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Geez… Now I remember this movie and it did in fact give me nightmares for months, if not years. I remember the kid and the ghosts, oh great.. I can just see the lack of sleeping coming back to me thanks a heap! I thought it was a dream I had until a few years back when I stumbled on some old videos while visiting my parents. That teacher was a major wanker.
December 1st, 2007 at 4:43 pm
That is the most ridiculous spelling Tiffuhknee I’ve ever seen in my life.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:48 am
Well I will be sure to pass that on to my mother!