WITCHES??!!
From Reuters:
By Ed Stoddard
DALLAS - More Americans believe in a literal hell and the devil than Darwin’s theory of evolution, according to a new Harris poll released on Thursday.
It is the latest survey to highlight America’s deep level of religiosity, a cultural trait that sets it apart from much of the developed world.
It also helps explain many of its political battles which Europeans find bewildering, such as efforts to have “Intelligent Design” theory — which holds life is too complex to have evolved by chance — taught in schools alongside evolution.
The poll of 2,455 U.S. adults from Nov 7 to 13 found that 82 percent of those surveyed believed in God, a figure unchanged since the question was asked in 2005.
It further found that 79 percent believed in miracles, 75 percent in heaven, while 72 percent believed that Jesus is God or the Son of God. Belief in hell and the devil was expressed by 62 percent.
Darwin’s theory of evolution met a far more skeptical audience which might surprise some outsiders as the United States is renowned for its excellence in scientific research.
Only 42 percent of those surveyed said they believed in Darwin’s theory which largely informs how biology and related sciences are approached. While often referred to as evolution it is in fact the 19th century British intellectual’s theory of “natural selection.”
There are unsurprising differences among religious groups.
“Born-again Christians are more likely to believe in the traditional elements of Christianity than are Catholics or Protestants. For example, 95 percent believe in miracles, compared to 87 percent and 89 percent among Catholics and Protestants,” according to the poll.
“On the other hand only 16 percent of born-again Christians, compared to 43 percent of Catholics and 30 percent of Protestants, believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution.”
Okay, not surprising — America is full of stupid people. Weird. But this is the part that is indeed “perhaps surprising” to me:
What is perhaps surprising is that substantial minorities in America apparently believe in ghosts, UFOs, witches, astrology and reincarnation.
The survey, which has a sampling error of plus or minus two percent, found that 35 percent of the respondents believed in UFOs and 31 percent in witches.
More born-again Christians — a term which usually refers to evangelical Protestants who place great emphasis on the conversion experience — believed in witches at 37 percent than mainline Protestants or Catholics, both at 32 percent.
You’ve gotta be fu…
WITCHES??!! Nearly 1 in 3 people believes in WITCHES??!! Is everybody in this goddamn country brain dead? *Checks calendar* Hmm, yep — it’s 2007. The year TWO THOUSAND AND FUCKING SEVEN and ONE IN THREE AMERICANS BELIEVES IN WITCHES.
FUCKING WITCHES.
During the execution of this poll, yes, IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND SEVEN, the following conversation actually took place ONE THIRD of the time:
Pollster: Excuse me, do you believe in witches?
Idiot: Yep.
This is the sort of shit that comes to mind when people say, “Bill, you need to learn to respect other peoples’ beliefs.” Sorry, the following conversation will NEVER take place:
Bill: Excuse me, do you believe in witches?
Idiot: Yep.
Bill: I respect that.
This is how this article translates in my mind:
“Poll finds One in Three Americans Do Not Command Bill’s Respect, on Principle”
Get it together, America. This is fucking embarrassing.
December 1st, 2007 at 12:34 am
Bill, you need to learn to respect other peoples’ beliefs.
December 1st, 2007 at 12:35 am
1 in 3 thats odd
December 1st, 2007 at 12:39 am
Dude its because of hairy potter 31% believe in witches but i think hairy is a wizard
December 1st, 2007 at 1:12 am
Hahaha
December 1st, 2007 at 6:15 am
That means that, realistically, if there was three police officers standing there and you threatened to cast a spell on them and started making drastic hand movements and chanting something like “Double bubble, toil and trouble…”, one of them would pull a gun out and shoot you.
On a more positive note, I bet we would score higher if the South was allowed to complete it’s secession.
December 1st, 2007 at 9:44 am
If I ever want to go suicide-by-cop style, I am TOTALLY trying that method.
December 1st, 2007 at 10:34 am
Seceding?
December 1st, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Secession. You’re a fuck.
December 1st, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Nono, Drew said “I’m trying that method” and I responded “Seceding?” The humor being in that the “method” to which he was referring was casting spells on cops, not seceding.
I wasn’t even talking to you, CHRIS! The sun doesn’t revolve around you! It revolves around the Earth!
December 1st, 2007 at 5:16 pm
does this mean chris is a witch
December 1st, 2007 at 9:55 pm
You fool! My MOM visits this blog! You have to be careful to not incite any Monty Python quoting. Once you get her started there’s no telling when she’ll stop.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:15 pm
and what do you do with witches?
December 1st, 2007 at 11:25 pm
“Hey you, pig! I’m going to declare my own nation! Fools!!!!”
“FREEZE! *pow pow pow pow pow pow-pow-pow-pow pow pow pow pow pow* *pow* *pow*
“Think he’s dead? Depends. If he isn’t one of those witches I keep running into, I think we’re safe.”
December 1st, 2007 at 11:42 pm
I think the witch question might be an easy one to get confused over. For instance, I believe there are people that like to believe they are witches. Doesn’t mean I believe they have any power, but I do in fact believe there are crazy people that attempt witchcraft.
If I were polled and gave that answer, who knows which box the question-asker might check.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:43 pm
major faux pas, I believe my first question should have been, how do we know if Chris is a witch?
December 1st, 2007 at 11:56 pm
Oh great, there she goes.
In response to Caleb: I once had a romantic interest in a girl that believed she was capable of witchcraft. In fact she later revealed to me that I liked her because she had cast a desire spell on herself. We’re not talking about grade school, either; we were both 18. I know, I know — I can pick ‘em, can’t I?
But you’re stretching a bit there — that’s a pretty abstract interpretation of the question.
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:05 am
and of course there’s always the wiccans who call themselves witches but there’s a simple test
you see, if they weigh the same as a duck….
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:06 am
Damn you, Cameron.
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:08 am
speaking of god stuff, and people getting all up in arms about it all, the golden compass is going to get them all in a stir
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:08 am
what they need is a quest, if god would just send them all off looking for the holy grail or something like that
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:09 am
Yeah, big hubbub right now among the types of Christian that care about that sort of thing…
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:09 am
and to Bill, how do you know she wasn’t a witch, did you weigh her?
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:10 am
have you read the books? I understand they kill god at the end, it sounds like something you would enjoy
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:11 am
Blasphemy!
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:08 am
I’m willing to stretch whatever I have to in order to give America the benefit of the doubt and subdue my shame of its people. Leave me be.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:15 am
Haha
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:03 am
Sounds like Caleb isn’t quite cynical enough yet.
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:48 am
@ Golden Compass talkings
I LOVE the Golden Compass novels. I read them when I was younger and was completely enamored by them. Favorite childhood book + Daniel Craig = Sweet, sweet cinema.
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
just was thinking about this whole “respect other’s beliefs thing.” I doubt seriously people would say they have to respect my beliefs if I was walking around wearing tinfoil around my head to stop the voices from getting into my mind because my belief system tells me to do so.
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:41 am
More witches!
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:45 am
Okay, for no good reason that made me laugh out loud.
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:38 pm
all right, I see Chris knows his stuff!
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Witch
1. a person, now esp. a woman, who professes or is supposed to practice magic, esp. black magic or the black art; sorceress. Compare warlock.
2. an ugly or mean old woman; hag: the old witch who used to own this building.
3. a person who uses a divining rod; dowser.
NOW it all makes sense. 1 in 3 americans are old or ugly woman.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:37 pm
And who are you that is so wise in the ways of science?
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:38 pm
his friends call him…cameron
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:41 pm
or should that have been, he’s the king, he has to know these things?
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Hahaha… And the fangs!