Anecdotes/Musings from the Train
A forty-five minute commute into town gives you plenty of time to think up pointless blog entries, and today was no exception.
Crisis Averted
I headed downtown today with the sole intention of taking some photos, since my camera has been sitting next to my computer looking neglected for a while now. Since I had my camera, I didn’t want to deal with my iPod/headphones and left them at home; a rare occurrence, and though I rarely go in public without my headphones anymore, eavesdropping on conversations around you is normally just as entertaining, so I planned on surviving the trip. A group of girls took their seats adjacent to mine and it wasn’t long before they were discussing fortune cookies. This in itself wasn’t interesting until one of them quoted a fortune she had recently received and the girl across from her added “in bed” to the end of it. This bummed me out a bit, as my last girlfriend did the same thing whenever we had Chinese together (which was often). Yes, it’s been five months, yet I am reminded of her every day; clearly I forgot to check my baggage before I got on the train. “Maybe it’s a sign?” I thought briefly before remembering I don’t believe in signs. Sure, she was cute, and then coincidence struck.
“I got a fortune one time that said something like ‘you will get bushels of gold pieces,’” she added, “I thought it was really funny.” This was a little too weird, because I also got that exact same fortune nearly three years ago. It actually reads “You will get gold piece by bushel,” and I have since carried the fortune in my wallet not only because the poor English is hilarious, but because the fortune was curiously specific. “A sign?” I thought to myself before remembering once again I don’t believe in signs. Still if nothing else, I thought I would make this girl’s day a little more surreal by correcting her and producing the fortune. This is how this most likely would have played out:
Me: *Produces fortune from wallet* Actually, it’s “you will get gold piece by bushel.”
Girl: *Dumbfounded* Oh my god, that is too weird. Pretty sure we have to have sex.
Me: Hmm, well I guess if fate says so…
Porn Director: You two are JUST the talent I’m looking for! I need you in my next film!
Me: What’s in it for us?
Porn Director: I am afraid all I can pay you is one bushel gold piece each!
Me and Girl: Oh, weird.
Disaster struck, though, when I realized while flipping through all the random shit in my wallet that, after carrying it for nearly three full years, I had removed the fortune just a couple months ago and put it with all my movie ticket stubs. “This is probably a good sign that the previous two signs were bad signs,” I thought briefly, before remembering I don’t believe in signs.
Stinking of Which…
After shooting photos for a couple hours I made the mistake of opting to hop on the train back right during rush hour, when you’re forced to pack onto the train like sardines, only with more salty odor. It happens, without fail, every time I end up on the train at rush hour: Why can’t I get packed between the two cute chatty girls trading drinking stories? Why do I always get packed between the guy that has just shit himself/found Jesus and the guy wearing the gloves he wove from his own hair? Who both also happen to be very chatty?
On a related note, how many people would you say don’t wear deodorant? 1 in 10 maybe? So on a train car packed with 100 people, 10 don’t wear deodorant, yes? Strangely, the odds of all 10 of these people surrounding me, with arms up, 1:1. Invariably.
Kindling
Amazon’s eBook device, Kindle, is apparently a big deal, but I had yet to actually see one in the wild until today. The screen is surprisingly readable, even over somebody’s smelly shoulder, but it’s a moot point.
“Looks like a book, reads like a book, weighs as much as a book, and takes up just as much room in your bag as a book — NOW with batteries!”
Amazon hasn’t even successfully solved a problem that didn’t even really exist. What a stupid fucking gadget. I’m also not too keen on the idea of books with digital rights management:
Me: How’s that book?
Friend with Kindle: Oh it’s great.
Me: Cool, can I borrow it when you’re done?
Friend with Kindle: Oh, sorry. It’s bound to this device. It can’t be copied or shared.
Me: So you can’t sell it when you’re done, either?
Friend with Kindle: No, I’m stuck with this purchase, even if it sucks.
Me: Oh yeah, just like paper books…
Friend with Kindle: *Nervously* Please don’t discuss the sharing of books in public with me. As a Kindle owner, I could go to jail.
And what of the Evangelicals? Somehow I don’t think the statement has the same impact if a bunch of angry Christians all download several copies of The Golden Compass, then get together and simultaneously delete them. I sincerely hope that sometime in the near future we’re all laughing at the concept of “eBooks” the same way we do “virtual reality,” if only to ensure a rosy future for book burning.
December 18th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
The only fortune I ever saved from a cookie hanging on my wall reads; “If it seems the fates are against you today, they probably are.”
See, this exposes me as a brooding, cup is half empty kinda guy, whose surly demeanor charms the ladies, but whose tortured existence will inevitably end by saving a building full of hostages from german terrorists in my bare feet.
Your fortune that you saved “you will get a gold piece by bushel” shows that you’re a caring sensitive nurturer. A guy who’s not afraid to cry in front of his woman or casually flip through his garfield calendar while perusing new scented foot oils in Bed Bath & Beyond.
Advantage? Chris W.
December 18th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Actually I just saved it because I really want bushel of gold piece. Do you know how much scented oil that would buy me, not to mention Garfield calendars?
December 19th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I’m pretty sure you HAVE to buy exotic merchandise like scented oils with a gold piece. Can’t exactly get change for it in 7-11. Scented oil, myrrh, or something . . .
December 19th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
never read fortune cookies, i never have, i get them give them to someone else after opening them its never something i cared about.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:37 pm
20% of the people make 80% of the stink. Always.
December 21st, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Words to live by.
December 22nd, 2007 at 11:35 am
Be not a stinker.