Correction: Worst Thing Ever
Yaahhh, trick! Yaahhhhh!
Little did I know that as I was posting my opinion on Soulja Boy’s internet classic Crank That, he was busy at work putting the finishing touches on the video for his latest single Yaahhh. In the YouTube exposé Yaahhh Behind the Scenes Look!, Soulja boy clarifies: “Yaahhh means get out mah face, leave me alone. Stop.” Clearly he’s going straight for the throats of the critics who say Soulja Boy is afraid to explore complex lyrical themes. I know I have egg on my face!
It took me a while to come up with a description of just how horrible Crank That was, and I’ve used up all my material. Therefore, my hatred of Yaahhh can be expressed as [previous statements about Crank That] squared.
(To say that Crank That is the biggest, steaming, maggot-infested pile of bullshit I’ve ever heard is an understatement of unfathomable, cosmic proportion.)² = Yaahhh
If I didn’t know any better, I would swear Yaahhh was a parody of over-commercialized and dumbed-down hip-hop and hip-hop culture. I like to imagine a clever producer working silently behind the scenes creating this horrible-sounding but brilliantly tongue-in-cheek body of work, and releasing it through oblivious, unwitting figurehead Soulja Boy as a statement about the recording industry and its consumers. Unfortunately I do know better — that Soulja Boy is a no-holds-barred exploitation of the lucrative ringtone market — but sometimes we have to lie to ourselves so that we can continue on with our lives.
We all know what this calls for: Amendment of The List. Soulja Boy has jumped immediately from “not on the list” to “number two”, pushing former #3, Mannheim Steamroller, off of The List. Soulja Boy is fucking AWFUL, but since his fad cannot possibly last as long — or spawn as annoying a fanbase — as Insane Clown Posse, ICP remains at the top of the list, continuing their unprecedented 791 week strangehold on the title.
The List*
*Bill’s top three worst bands or artists of all time (that have gained a significant audience)
#1 Insane Clown Posse - Popularity regarded as greatest musical tragedy since assassination of John Lennon
#2 Soulja Boy - Unintentional social commentary
#3 Nickelback - Most annoying, and most successful, of the archetypal “Grimacing guy sings through clenched teeth” bands
P.S. Search for the goddamn video yourself; I’m not putting that shit on my blog.
January 12th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
I hate you for bringing this to my attention. I’d rather listen to Who Let the Dogs Out on loop.
January 13th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Like I said, I refuse to put that shit in my brain so I will not be searching for shit. I do however, have a neighbor that parties the weekends away by playing nickelback (bad boys of the Canadian cover band circuit) for about 11 hours straight at full volume. Think of everything good propagandhi and DOA did to improve my view of Canadians, only to have it undone in one fell swoop by “I like your pants around your feet”. Fucking idiots. Is that singer’s head supposed to look that disproportionate to his body? He seriously looks like an ant smashed by a quarter…
“Nickelback is a Hard rock band formed in Hanna, Alberta by Chad Kroeger, Mike Kroeger, Ryan Peake and then drummer Brandon Kroeger. The band’s musical influences includes heavy metal acts such as Metallica and Motörhead mixes with a modern Pop Metal approach.[3] Although the founders of the band hail from Hanna, Alberta, a small town east of Calgary, they are now based in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The band’s name originates from the nickel in change that band member Mike Kroeger often had to give customers in his previous job at Starbucks, and would frequently say “Here’s your nickel back”.
*Vomit subsides briefly only to be violently wrenched by projectile emesis.* I don’t know why the kroegers are trying to kill me by forcing suicide, but I do know that it’s going to work very soon if I hear that goddamn goatee’d fatheads voice screaming much more about ANYONE’s pants.
January 13th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Chad Kroeger: “Hey guys, what should we name our band?”
Brandon Kroeger: “Mmmmm, how about EnTr4pm3nt?”
Chad Kroeger: “No, too Korn-y, get it?”
Ryan Peake: “Mmmm, how about Deathfuck Superstar?”
Chad Kroeger: “No, too highest quality gothic-industrial.”
Mike Kroeger enters room, staggering as if drunk or smashed in the face with a safe.
Mike Kroeger: “HEEEEEEEYYYYYYY GUUUUUUUYYYYYYSSSSS” … Mike begins drooling and his breathing is labored…
Mike Kroeger: “WE SHOULD CALL THE BAND NICKEL BACK BECAUSE I USED TO GIVE THE NICKELS BACK AT STARBUCKS AND….” … Mike forgets where he is and stumbles off to shit his pants…
Rest of band: (Stunned Silence) “…Brilliant.”
January 13th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Jesus christ is that brilliant. Something great to YouTube, is Mike Kroeger getting hit in the head with a rock or something at one of their concerts. And he gets pissed and stops the concert.
I am impressed that Mannheim Steamroller is OFF “The List” That’s serious fucking business right there.
“Soulja Boi, you gotta get to schoo, stop playin’ dose gamezzz”
“YAHHHH”
You can almost feel us de-evolving.
January 13th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Oh my god, did you survive all the way to the end of the music video with that stupid fucking mini-song about getting D’s on his report card? How old is Soulja Boy?
January 13th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
17 years old…ridiculous.
January 13th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Well that partially explains why he’s such a fucking idiot.
January 13th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I’ve done some dumb shit in my day, and I still do, but I think even at 17, I had already matured past “YAHHH.” At least I didn’t write songs about getting D’s on my report card. I wrote about serious shit, like orange soda, and spitting on walls.
Seriously, think of all the dumb shit you’ve laid witness to, and then compare that to “YAHHH.” And the pretty much sums up just HOW BAD it really is.
January 14th, 2008 at 8:26 am
how did Def Leppard NOT make your list of worst bands?
January 14th, 2008 at 8:26 am
hahaha oops…suppose the cats outta the bag now. fuck…
January 15th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
BUSTED!
January 15th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I guess I should blame myself for being curious as to how bad this stuff could be. Seriously, there is no direction in this crap they (idiots who like it) call music. I hate you for telling me about this guy. Eternally.
Damn it.
January 16th, 2008 at 7:57 am
i can’t take ALL the blame for every JOEPuD impersonation…i did a few, but there is definitely another impostor
January 16th, 2008 at 11:20 am
i did some too
January 16th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
hahahahaha
January 27th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
i beg to differ on the fact of ICP on #1, first off they actually rhyme and make sense and second, their fanbase is more than fans unlike soulja boy who is just on everyones ringtone but no one stands up for him when negative comments are posted. Juggalo’s are always defending what they stand for so fuck you too!
P.S. I’m still saying Soulja Boy sucks
January 28th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Huh, a Juggalo that said “I beg to differ.” You’ve done a little to shake my perception of ICP fans as illiterate backyard wrestlers, but the community is going to have to try a little harder than that to improve its image.
But hey, this is America; listen to whatever shitty music you want. Sixth Joker Card, that’s all I have to say.