So Here’s My Problem, See…
Me and the ex just had another INCREDIBLE religious argument — MY FAVORITE! More heartbreak on top of being talked down to from a moral high horse? Doesn’t get any better! We like to get in touch every once in a while so she can remind me that she still loves me and would love to be with me if it just wasn’t for that pesky “atheist thing.”
So here’s the fucking predicament concerning moving on from this whole fiasco, as I see it.
I’d say about 1 in 2 people is a female. That’s pretty good goddamn odds if you ask me. If I pick a person completely at random with whom to have sex, I got a 50/50 shot at a heterosexual encounter. Not bad. But then, there’s a couple other factors that come into play that complicate matters. Let’s throw in “girls to whom I am physically attracted” and “girls physically attracted to me.” Where those two groups intersect, we’re already looking at a pretty small pool of candidates. Throw “decent personality” and “can put up with my personality” into the brew and we can’t be talking about more than maybe a dozen women here. I mean globally.
But it gets trickier. Past experimentation and observation has shown that Christian girls have a bit of a…problem with my attitude towards faith. Oh, but we can’t just single out the Christian girls; if you believe in a god, we’re off to a rocky start before we get to the first kiss. Trust me, it’ll come up. Now what percentage of American girls do you honestly think consider themselves atheist? Let’s be realistic, I’d settle for an agnostic — like a democrat dating an independent — but we’re still talking about a very small percentage of people here. Clearly we really can’t afford to be picky; I’d go so far as one of those “spiritual, not religious” types. I mean, just as long as you don’t wear a ton of goddamn beads and there’s no fucking incense burning.
So we have a fairly small list of fairly simple requests that don’t result in a whole hell of a lot of choices.
• Fairly attractive
• Fairly low standards
• Decent personality
• Likes obnoxious dickheads
• No god/No Jeebus
• No beads/incense
I fed these into the old Girlfriendivac™ and it turns out that all those variables intersect at Sarah Silverman. Motherfucker, I knew I hated Jimmy Kimmel for a reason.
C’est la vie.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Don’t we all… No more French please.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:27 am
-_-