Valet Parking = Stoopid
There’s a restaurant about two blocks down from my girlfriend’s place that always has a couple teenagers in cheesy valet get-up standing around out front. Every couple of minutes a very nice car drives up, a party of smug dickheads exits and one of the teenagers commandeers the vehicle over to a parking spot. The kicker is that the parking lot is maybe, MAYBE 15 cars wide and three cars deep, so these guys are paid to drive a car 20 feet.
Now coming from Wyoming — where we travel primarily by wagon train — I’ve never really had any experience with valet parking, so it’s never really occurred to me what a bizarre concept it is. I guess in a busy downtown area it can make sense, because who wants to walk 12 blocks from the closest available parking spot to go have dinner? But really…how fucking important do you have to think you are that you won’t walk six car-lengths to the restaurant? And THEN stand around like an idiot when you return while a kid fetches your car, with which you already have line of sight? Inside this restaurant were you expecting an army of maître d’s to place you in a golden chariot and carry you to your table, where seven virgins feed you peeled grapes and wine from golden chalices while fanning your bare chest as you wait for your appetizer?
God-fucking-forbid you work off any of that bacon-wrapped filet mignon, prick. Fuck you and your luxury sedan.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:22 pm
fuck bill you are so right
July 1st, 2008 at 10:40 pm
(I’m Black)
Whether I’m poor or rich, or rich or poor
Though its all the same shit
(I’m Black)
Even though my skins kind of light
That means my ancestors was raped by somebody white
(I’m Black)
So I like to sing dance and crack jokes
Eat good food and be around black folks
(I’m Black)
Sort of like the Holys on Sundays
Drink all night and still go to work monday
(I’m Black)
So I like the kids looking real nice
Cuz I’ve been poor and I know what it feels like
(I’m Black)
And I’ma say it loud like James Brown
People be proud cuz we all up in the game now
(I’m Black)
And I’ma hold my right fist real high
Might see my man and we might get real high
(I’m Black)
And I know it, and I aint afraid to show it
(I’m Black)
And I’m the genius in the motherfuckin Poet
You know it
(Ohh Ohhh)
Chorus (Floetry)
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to say that I’m me…
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to be so free (IM BLACK)
So proud to say that I made it
(I’m Black)
The one who struggled in the hatred
(I’m Black
And I’m not afraid to say it
(I’m Black..Cuz I know I’m Sinking)
(I’m Black)
So I gotta heart full of bravery
Do for my peoplez that went through Slavery
(I’m Black)
So you know I’m young in the sports
Nintey percent chance I get hung in the Court
(I’m Black)
Don’t you be scared of me Mister
Cuz you don’t really seem to be scared of my sister
(I’m Black)
And I can ride first class too
Or buy an exotic car and like murk past you
(I’m Black)
And I don’t need a tan in the winter
Mind strong and powerful now a cypher can’t enter
(I’m Black)
And I don’t need jewelry to shine
Look in my skin color is like the jewelry is blind
(I’m Black)
They focus on the negative attention
Do something positive, and never get mentioned
(I’m Black)
Listen it’s a fact, original man
I wouldn’t change it if I could and thats that
Chorus(Floetry)
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to say that I’m me…
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to be so free
(I’m Black)
So proud to say that I made it
(I’m Black)
The one who struggled in the hatred
(I’m Black)
And I’m not afraid to say it
(I’m Black)
(I’m Black…I’m Black…Ohh…Yeah…Yeah)
(I’m Black)
Even with a caramel complextion
Look in the mirror see Malcolm and Martin reflection
(I’m Black)
Just like the PANTHERS, looking for an answer
It’s prejudice shit is like a cancer
(I’m Black)
Look in my eyes the wall can’t get pulled over
Look in my cars and stay gettin pulled over
(I’m Black)
Meaning public enemies number one
Government looking in the hood sending in the guns
(I’m Black)
I grew up off the good time show
Drink liquor smoke weed and let the good times roll
(I’m Black)
I live for my wife and my seeds
And my mom with a bond only God can acceed
(I’m Black)
I got to show my homeboys love
First thing you learnt in the hood is homeboy love
(I’m Black)
And I’m mad if I ain’t nuthin else
(I’m Black)
I’m beautiful and I love myself (Say together)
YEAH! (Love myself…Ohh yeah)
Chorus(Floetry)
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to say that I’m me…
So proud to be just who I’am
So proud to be so free
(I’m Black)
So proud to say that I made it
(I’m Black)
The one who struggled in the hatred
(I’m Black)
And I’m not afraid to say it
(I’m Black)
(I’m Black…I’m Black…Yeah)
July 1st, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Styles P knows what’s up.
You think you know, but you have no idea.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:51 am
Never saw
Your driver’s eyes
Or me on parking street
We were planning
Your demise
Your chauffeur´s tired
But you’re still on heat
Downtown,
You´re burning down
I´m sick of parking cars…
There are only-
Two people here
Who are worthy
Of your pool
And your place
So stand down now
Stand down
You´re standing down…
Never thought
I´d see the day
When your pale face
Turned grey
Got no guts, got no fame
Your epitaph
Sorely missed
Your unfaithful slave
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:58 am
…was what i got when i googled ‘valet parking lyrics’.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 am
I don’t even know what just happened up in here, but I’m not sure if I like it or not.
I had one option to park my car at a hotel once, and it was valet. It made me feel so shitty. Like I’m this lazy piece of shit. It was kind of neat for a second to call to have my car brought around, but then…how do you convey to the parking dudes that you’re a dude just like them? I was just nice and gave them a good tip.
But it still made me feel like a lazy asshole piece of shit. An entire uneasy feeling washed over me until I got far away from that situation.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
I’m happy to say I’ve never valeted(?). Ever.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 am
If you in fact did have the option Buttsauce, and you STILL had your car parked by a valet d00d, then you really, I mean come on, you REALLY probably didn’t feel THAT shitty. If you really did have the “option” and you knew you’d feel bad, then you would have parked your car else where and walked. Am I right?
Also, for the a le douches in Portland and this fine dining establishment you speak of Bill. Is there street parking, or is this tiny ass lot the only place to park? Even in a big city, street parking is difficult to come by. And more often than not you gotta park in a lot and pay WAY more than should ever be required to park a fucking car. And there are times in these lots where a d00d will park your car for you and return it to you upon your return to the lot. So if that’s the case, then I’d understand having your car parked by the “valet”. But if it’s a matter of walking 6 blocks to the nearest street parking spot, or having the valet park your car…I’d say walk the fucking 6 blocks. But for me it’s a matter of being poor, and saving the 20 bucks. If i had money coming out my ass, and knew that some 16 year kids summer job was parking cars so he could save up to buy a car of his own…then YES I would valet that shit. Not because I’m lazy, or snide. Solely so the d00d can make some cash. I mean, it’s a job right? But then again I don’t eat at places that have valet parking, and the only thing coming out of my ass is shit and farts.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
Well, I guess my verbage was a little off, it was early in the wee morning hours.
I guess I should’ve said “my only option for parking was valet.” The kind folks at the hotel informed me it was either their valet service and garage, or try and find a two hour spot on the street and either feed the meter every two hours all night or move the car every two hours.
Seeing as how I just had Motorhead rock all sense of life from my body and I wanted to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, I went with the valet. That whole situation has a good story behind us winding up in that place.
It was just awkward I guess, and trust me, I really would’ve saved myself the money, the dudes the time, and parked somewhere else had it not been for Motorhead.
So we’ll just go ahead and blame it on Lemmy’s wart ridden face.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
You’re just escalating that stereotype that us po’ folk form Wyoming all ride on wagon trains to school and town! Way to go! Fuck, I need to get on my horse and get the hell outta here….
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 am
fuck i would use valet ALL fucking day if i could and why not oh i know i would be a big douche but fuck it i love the idea LOVE IT
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:48 am
who is Elliotch anyways. am i right guy? yeah.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Dude, Stevens, when you get loaded on your concert/internet scheme, you can afford to hire a personal valet that travels with you everywhere you go to park your scooter.
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:55 pm
oh snap
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
dude if that happens we are ALL gonna have a personal valets my gift to ALL
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
SCORE